Seventh Treatment

Over half-way finished with this last course of Chemo!  Admittedly, I was under the impression that I had only four left to go after yesterday, but a quick look shows that I got a bit ahead of myself and have five left to go, but still that is way less than 12!  (Or 20! - which is where I started.)  Woo hoo!  So far, I have not had to put off a one in this course and that is awesome, but Chemo is cumulative and so these coming weeks are probably the more critical ones for keeping my numbers looking good...I am going to try and consume plenty of iron and protein, and stay healthy!

My MRI, however, is only two weeks away.  Which, I believe is what they will be basing the surgery strategy off of, so if you get a chance, please pray for great results.  Complete response.  Complete response.  Complete response.  Complete response.  Complete response.  Complete response.  (Actually, I am not sure they can determine the complete response thing till after the surgery, but it would still be incredibly awesome and a huge relief if this step showed that there was nothing to see!)

My Chemo buddies yesterday were (as always) my husband, Matthew, Jenny Rybarczyk, and new-comer - Bill Berrall.  I am not sure Bill Berrall should have come - it is hard on a father to see his daughter hooked up to toxic chemicals, but I hope, Pop, that we showed you that it's not so bad, either...at least for me.  I know there are plenty of others out there going through more horrendous things, so sitting in a chair for a few hours doesn't seem so bad.  It doesn't hurt.  It doesn't make me feel ill.  (Okay, the Benadryl in the pre-drugs causes me to get a bit inebriated, but lots of people sign up for that particular side-effect in their weekend free-time, so that's not so bad either.)  And, I get to spend time with good people!  That's the best part about it!

Now...if only we could tell the weather to stop making it snow or -20 on Mondays, that would be a big bonus!

Think Pink

Yesterday, our family was invited to attend the "Think Pink" Women's Basketball game at UWM.  It was an affair!  We arrived around 12:30pm and were able to enjoy a bit of their Health Fair, followed by some yummy food in the Panther Pit, the game, free Think Pink t-shirts, my name announced during the game along with two other cancer battlers/survivors, and much more.  We were treated like royalty and had a fun time just being out and about.  Hugo, of course, did not join us, being that it was naptime.  And Kyrie is adverse to loud higher-pitched noises (like, extremely adverse) and so she stayed home because that was just the right decision - thank you for making the right decision, Kyrie.  And, thank you to Linda who was kind enough to babysit so we could attend this event.

The Lady Panthers, unfortunately, did not win their game, but it is my understanding that this was a tough team to beat (Green Bay).  They sure did fight hard and it was a close one!  Matt's friend and exercise bud, David Rechlicz is married to the coach - she was amazing!  I know, typical woman to comment on her outfit, but I couldn't believe she wore those heels throughout the whole game.  I could never do that.  Plus, she must have one heck of a voice to be able to communicate with those girls during a loud game.  She is a tough woman!  And, obviously kind-hearted, to invite us to be guests at the game.

Thank you so much, Rechlicz family!

Happy Valentine's Day!

My body told me to stay in bed and sleep a little longer.  My brain said, "Get up, you lazy-head.  You must do something for Valentine's Day!"  Since my short-term planning skills are kinda sad, I did what I could with the situation.  I had already known I wanted to make bacon hearts...so that's what I did.  Nothing more. Nothing crazy.  Nothing over the top.  But, in a family like mine, bacon is the way to their hearts anyway. So, I think I did okay.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Some Awesomeness

It has been awhile since I have posted "some awesomeness", which I feel bad about because it is not due to there not being any awesomeness.  Rather, it is due to attempting to participate in what I might currently refer to as "my so called life".  I wish I had the discipline to update this blog each and every day...I know I have a lot to say and that it would probably help my current mental status if I were to get all my thoughts out, but...it just doesn't work that way when you have a two-year old (and four-year old....and seven-year old...and nine-year old).

The fact is, however, that there has been awesomeness.  I need to mention how I receive a card almost every week from Mary Ann Steuber - another member of our church. It is amazing to me that she remembers to send one to us each week, let alone finds a new and different card to send.  They always uplift me and they always allow me to take a moment to breathe.

This past Sunday, while at my parent's house for dinner, my dad's Cousin John Bruckner stopped by with a bag full of brand new crazy socks!!!!  Wow!!!  This is so cool.  I am sorry to say that in the confusion of people talking and kids running around that I am not certain if the socks are from John and his wife, Karen, or if they are from their daughter, Abby, or if Abby shopped for them but they are from everyone in the Bruckner family?!?!  Regardless, I sure do appreciate them!  Thank you! 

And...Cousin John (as he is referred to), also brought a basket filled with fruit, candy hearts, Valentine's pencils, and Valentine's straws and Valentine's candy and Valentine's pasta that Karen put together.  We had a lot of fun doling it all out to all of the Berrall cousins running around and they had fun receiving it.  Thank you so much, Bruckners! You went to a lot of work and it was just beautiful and so very nice!

On Monday, we received dinner from the Neinas family, from our church.  Annette was nice enough to make dairy and egg-free cupcakes!  Holy moly can you say "score!"  The boys were so thrilled.  Although, apparently my mom would like to have words with you, Annette, about the blue frosting!  :-)  Too funny! Thank you so much for the delicious meal and for the delighted look all over the boys' faces!

We also received an amazing allergy-free "Brinner" (breakfast for dinner) from the Fox family on Tuesday evening.  We have a saying around here - "Breakfast. It's what's for dinner" - because the kids love this meal so much.  We rarely ever make breakfast for breakfast, more often we have it for dinner!  Thanks so much, Foxes for knowing just what the kids like!

And thank you all for continued thoughts and prayers.  You will never know how much they are appreciated!

The Weekend

And...bam!  It's the weekend again.  How does this happen?!  I feel like my life is a series of Mondays, followed by a few days of haziness, followed by a weekend filled with craziness, followed by...a Monday.

It's 8:16am.  So far today I have managed to:

• Eat breakfast (Leftover enchiladas.  Yes, enchiladas for breakfast!  Yum!  Thank you, Wurtzbachers!)
• Make Kyrie angry with me - she has a project due at school on Tuesday and I have asked her to draw straight-edged lines under the pictures to write her sentences on, instead of scribbling them haphazardly across the page.  But, apparently this is asking too much.
• Nod at Lariska - who tells me every 30 seconds to two minutes how many more points she has made on Subway Surfer...an app on her iPod.

• Have a conversation with Matthew about Kyrie not putting enough effort into her homework and Lariska playing too much on her iPod.  Matt says we are in "Survival Mode", not "Thrival Mode". What I hear: "Give it up, Kelly."  Which is only fair, since it will all fall to his shoulders once again come Monday, but still...

• Tell Declan to stop whining.

• Type these few sentences despite Hugo sitting on my lap and pushing my arms to the side every two minutes or having to delete all the times he has tried to type for me. 

Only 35 more hours left to the weekend (with kids awake).  Will they be fun?  Will they be stressful?  Will we manage to get anything accomplished?  Will I be able to spend at least one of those minutes making it clear to each of these kids how much I love them?  Or, will I allow myself to get sucked into the drama that is our life?  There is a lot to be done (Valentine's, Homework, Lego Movie, meals, soccer, naps, Olympics and more).  Some of it is work.  Some of it is fun.  All of it is...

Declan (streaking by): I have to go potty!  I have to go potty!  I have to go potty!

Declan (desperate voice): I can't open the door!  (Child-proofed, thanks to Hugo's antics in the toilet.)

Me: Did someone lock this door from the inside?!  Declan, run upstairs.

Suck it up, Buttercup!  34.75 more hours.

P.S.  Check out the awesome shirt Jenny Rybarczyk had made for me (and one for her, too!).  So cool!!!!

Hugo (pulling arms out of sleeves): I taking jammies off.
Me: Why, Hugo?!
Hugo: I cold.

Fifth Treatment

If you read my previous post, you will see there is no boo-yah to accompany this treatment.  I did it.  It's done.  Seven more to go.  Yayyyyy....not.

I did have a doctor appointment this week as it was the first Monday of the month.  They said that, "Everything looks good."  My iron counts are holding fairly stable, only borderline anemic, instead of actual anemic. I was approved for Chemo, so I assume that means the lymphocytes and all that jazz were acceptable.  They said the tumor may feel even smaller; something about the borders being less distinguishable.  So, that's all good.  Yay!  For real.

We talked a little bit about upcoming dates, tests, appointments, and more fun stuff.  I am anxious to get my surgery on the calendar, because if I can work it all out perfectly (and there's not a lot of wiggle room), I would finish Chemo on the 24th of March.  The kids will be home from school the week before Easter, so I would like to have surgery the very week after Easter (sometime the week of April 21st).  Then, with like five to six weeks to recover, I would really like to go to Portland with Heather the first weekend of June and meet Beth there as well.  Something to look forward to!!!  I was hoping to truly be able to look forward to this as of today, but alas, they want me to make it through all my February Chemos, without having to push any back, and then I can (I get) to have another MRI (an hour of lying on my stomach with my arms above my head while a machine makes the loudest most annoying clunking noises you have ever heard), followed by an appointment with the surgeon (who is truly very sweet and nice, so I will actually look forward to that), followed by the scheduling of the surgery, followed by the rest of my Chemos, followed by...the dreaded surgery, followed by recovery, followed by maybe going to Portland, followed by six weeks of radiation every day, followed by...freedom???  Is that possible?  So, I now have an MRI on the 4th of March, and an appointment with Dr. Kong on the 11th of March.  Gee, March is going to be fun!

In an attempt to now become a little more upbeat, I would like to say that I wanted to dedicate this round of Chemo (is that a weird thing to do?) to my friend, Denise Kostka, who provided me with these awesome cancer-kicking socks:

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Could those be any more perfect?!  I just love them!  Denise is going through her own thing, fighting liver cancer.  She is doing really great, but needs to gain some weight back, so she can have some more energy, so she can continue to fight this nasty cancer stuff.  If you would take a moment to say a prayer for her, I sure would appreciate it.  Denise is a wife, mom and grandmother to a new-ish young man, Luke (I want to say he is like 20 months old???), so she needs to gain this energy back to be there for these important people!

Finally, this week I was lucky enough to have four Kelly's Army members at Chemo this week - Jenny R., Heather,  Jen S. and Matt (taking the picture).  They helped me to "Suck it up, Buttercup!" and we had a nice time chatting.  I am so grateful to have such wonderful, committed, loyal, kind, caring friends!  Thank you girls!

The Wall

I have hit a metaphorical wall.  Well, I am thinking of my life in a marathon runner's terms (something I am, ironically and absolutely, not).  But, don't they talk about how at a certain mileage point, everything becomes more difficult; the muscles start to protest and all that.  Yeah...I am there.  I am tired of dealing with all this. I protest, heart, mind, body, soul.  I have hit a wall.

It pains me to say that, because I have wanted this blog to stay positive, but I realized this weekend that this blog isn't for me to project some kind of happy-go-lucky-I-love-cancer attitude.  It is for me to share my feelings and get them out so I can move on.  And right now, they aren't super-positive.

It probably has something to do with experiencing some of the worst moments of the year this weekend.  A son who pours syrup all over the play kitchen, linoleum floor, and oh yeah, the carpet.  Another son who is constantly pouncing on everyone, grabbing, and shoving, and being physically in all of our faces.  I know he just wants some attention, but it's frustrating.  A daughter, who when she gets tired, could win any whining contest in the world - we're talking nails on chalkboard, people, it's that grating to my ears.  And, another daughter who has declared that this cancer stuff is something I made up and I'm just faking it to get out doing mother-stuff.  Ouch.  Well, that daughter also threw a fit of colossal proportions this weekend, which that statement was actually only one minor part of; but it is the statement that most stuck with me, as I didn't realize how much my lack of energy has affected her.  That daughter, the eldest, is in need of a lot of attention, in general, so I should have known, but this fit came after I spent an entire afternoon and evening with her and her friends (Girl Scout cookie booth, out for dinner, then to see Annie at the Sharon Lynn Wilson Center) - none of our other children present for any portion of that time.  Very frustrating.

After all that, I had to wake up on Monday morning and go get me some Chemo.  Yayyyyyyy.....not.  You know, I did want these four kids.  I wanted to stay home and raise them all. I had big plans of super-mom status.  I was looking forward to volunteering for everything.  I wanted to be at all their soccer games, and school parties.  I wanted to bake cookies, and do homework, and play games, and watch movies and have experiences together.  I am hoping we still can.  But, right now, when it's soccer game time, it's a good opportunity for me to lie down and get some of my energy back.  There's no way I'm baking any stinkin' cookies.  And, going to parties at their germ-infested schools?  My husband and mother protest, despite my attempts to go.

The doctors tell me my "numbers look good" but that I "need to take it easy".  I still have seven more weeks of Chemo to go and if I overdue it and have to miss a week, all that does is prolong the agony.  Grrrr....

The silver-lining.  If this cancer treatment stuff is a marathon, and I have hit a wall then I think what comes next is a second-wind, right?!  I just have to make it to that second-wind.  Oh second-wind, where are you? From whence will you come?  Blow this frozen world away, bring some warmer weather, and a bunch of cancer-fighting spirit for me, would you, please?  (Thank you.)