I have received a call from the geneticist this afternoon and I am NEGATIVE for all of the genetic tests that they were able to do at this time (which was a 44-panel test). What does this mean? It means I can breathe a sigh of relief for Kyrie, Lari, Declan and Hugo, for all my nieces and nephews, and for my sister and brothers.
Of course, this also means there is still the big WHY hanging out there, but I am resigned to having the WHY if it means I can feel more safe about my children.
And then of course, it would have been nice to blame genetics for this problem, because now I feel like people, including me, are going to be looking at me and saying "Okay, so what did you do wrong?" Because everyone would like to avoid those things themselves or have something concrete to blame my cancer on so they can feel more safe. Something I could not blame them for and yet it completely sucks when you are the person that is being scrutinized.
But really, I couldn't tell you. Remind to write a blog post about all of the things I did right sometime.
What a rollercoaster this ride is.
Kelly, don't EVER feel like you are being scrutinized, AT ALL!!! This is not something that you did to yourself, it just happened. It is hard to understand the WHY part of it all, but don't spend your time in that place right now (although I know I would be there too). We love you, never give up and soon you will be able to say, breast cancer Survivor!!!!
ReplyDeleteI hear you sweetheart! I keep wondering if it's something I did, or could have done differently, so you and me babe....we might not ever know, but you can blame me, I gave broad shoulders. If it was something I did, I am sooo sorry!!!! You know I didn't know better and that I love you more than life!
ReplyDeleteListen ladies. We will never know. And so let's all just have a little cry together at this moment and then let it be. It just is. Now we move on. Together. Right? And we move on knowing that your kids and the neices and the boys too have a lower chance of this happening. And we be thankful that kelly is beating this now with the help of her amazing family. And we learn from this to hold our moments together as we would hold precious jewels.
ReplyDeleteHere, here, Beth.
DeleteOr is it "hear, hear"?! Oh my gosh. Darn chemo brain!!!
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