Ground Hog's Day

I am not gonna lie. This was a tough day for me. I found it very hard not to feel the "unfairness"'of it all. I really felt like I faced the fear of having surgery last week with a brave face and a good attitude and to ask me to do that all over again when I did so good last week was just plain not fair. 

Of course there isn't anything about having cancer that is fair. But that's just something that has become a daily battle for me to accept. To have cancer and have to do the surgery over again is just adding insult to injury. 

BUT, I did it. It's done.  I felt like I was in the movie Ground Hog's Day. I went to the same pre-surgery room (lucky number 22). They weren't able to get the IV on the first try, yet again. Had the same "You understand the risks" talk and all that fun stuff and then got wheeled off to a similar room that I soon forgot all about due to being sound asleep. 

It did go by quickly - apparently they expected the actual surgery portion of the morning to last 15 minutes. I think the anesthesia and intubating and all that fun stuff probably took longer.  Coming out of the anesthesia took me awhile - an hour in the recovery room and then several more hours in another room. I'm just so dizzy afterward. 

This time I had the bonus of having a swollen lip and a much worse sore throat. Really makes you wonder what all goes on when you are out.  And basically just adds more insult on to the injury pile. 

But...anyway...it's over with. Now I wait another week to hear the results of this go-round. Please pray that this time the margins are completely clear. I really don't want to repeat this again next Wednesday.  I may spend the entire time crying rather than just a few minutes. 

Finally, I am going to celebrate the excitement of my lymph nodes being clear; I swear I am. Just give me till I hear I don't have to do another surgery and I will be jumping up and down for joy. I am looking forward to it. 

Carrie Kons gave me this bear before the first surgery. He was waiting for my when I returned from the second surgery. Thank you for the bravery boost, Carrie!