Decisions, Decisions

Okay, so we have met with the surgeon.  Got some potentially interesting news.  She thinks I am a candidate for a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy.  What?!?!  That greatly surprised both Matt and I!  Sounds like the MRI revealed a small mass - 1.5cm x .5 cm - but we knew that.  Unfortunately, it is still near my chest wall.

So, I was, of course, disappointed by this.  The goal of Chemo, in my mind, was to first and foremost pull the tumor away from the chest wall (not accomplished) and second of all the best case scenario was Complete Response (also not accomplished).  BUT...she had nothing but excitement for us. Apparently, she never expected it to respond this good.  AND, said it was "no big deal" that it was still close to the chest wall.  Confusing!  She continued to assure us that she removes pieces of chest wall "all the time" and that for someone small-ish like me, it's loss would not even be noticed.

We had lots of questions for her regarding the pros and cons of lumpectomy vs. mastectomy and after looking over her notes from last October, she decided she would like to take the MRI images in front of "The Board" on Monday to see what they all thought.  It wasn't something even considered back in October!  We also are going to meet with the Radiologist on Thursday to see what his opinion is. Frankly, I am not sure how to feel about it.  I don't like these kinds of decisions!  I hope the Board comes back with a conclusive recommendation so that I know what it would be best to do.

In regards to the lack of Complete Response she had two things to say:  First, it is pretty rare, but it can happen where the MRI shows the image of the mass being "enhanced" which they then assume to be still cancerous, but then when they remove it during surgery they find out it actually no longer is cancerous.  Pretty rare, but it can happen, so don't stop those prayers for a complete response. Second, she also said that only one in five people get a complete response, and that in actuality a certain percentage of people will actually see tumor growth during Chemo (unresponsive to Chemo) and so the fact that not only did my tumor shrink, but by so much, was incredible news. She said I did not win the million dollar lottery, but I did win $50,000 in the scratch off.  (I don't play the lottery, so I am pretty sure this is still an exciting thing.  I understand a million dollars is better, but no one turns up their nose at fifty grand.)

Dr. Kong is a pretty positive person.  I enjoy her attitude.  But, as I told Matt, I feel snarky about all of this.  I am completely thankful that the tumor has not grown, but disappointed by not having achieved the complete response (at this point, anyway).  I was also still focused on the positive side of having to have surgery - that I would get to have an entire B size breast size when this was all over with.  Now, they are telling me I may get to keep my breast, but that I will still have to have surgery, but with no silver-lining of a B-cup.  Sorry for the TMI there, but what can  I do...this is the dilemma I am being faced with.  I mean, if I had to have cancer, I may have well gotten something out of it.  Not to mention, they still have to take some of my skin, so I will have a nice scar from that and potential "dimpling" which she couldn't tell me how bad it would be until after doing it and seeing what happens.  So, deformed breast on top of it.  But, I don't lose my breast.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh!  So frustrating.  So, we will wait and see what the Radiologist and The Board says.  When all is said and done, all I want, no matter what they recommend, is for this cancer never to come back again.  Can I get an Amen?

Amen.