See the Light

For the first time since this ridiculous adventure began, I feel like I may be able to see the light.  After 18 bouts of Chemo, I only have two left to go.  The seemingly endless cycle of Monday Chemo followed by Tuesday with a red face from the steroids and buzzing in my arms and legs, to Wednesday or Thursday with a stomachache to Friday being tired from the lack of sleep during the week, to Saturday and Sunday of feeling pretty good, but dealing with four energetic children, and then back to Monday again...  I can see the light.  Two and a half more weeks of this nonsense.

Granted, there is still surgery and then radiation (and from what I hear, radiation gets to be a pretty tiring cycle as well...mostly just from having to drive every weekday to the hospital) to go, but that seems like a shorter sentence (right now anyway) then what I have already been through.

If they can assure me that a lumpectomy is just as safe as a mastectomy in terms of recurrence and whatnot, then I am sure that is what I will choose.  (Triple negative cancer has the wonderful distinction of being more likely to recur than other breast cancers in the first three years.)  Of course, I can honestly say that I am kind of angry with my body, and part of me would be tempted to get rid of it just because it has made me so mad...and caused so much worry and fear in our lives.  We do not need any more worry in this family.

It is too early yet still to make any decisions regarding this, so I should stop speculating on what I will decide, but I can say that I feel like I can see end of this ride.  Something I certainly could not before. There is an actual date on the calendar for the surgery, no matter what is chosen - April 23rd.  With that down, I know that radiation will begin three to four weeks later and thus, depending on what the Radiologist says, I may be able to put it off one more week and go to Portland...or he may say that putting it off is not a good idea and to get it done.  I will find that out tomorrow.  But, I can add to that the six weeks of radiation and that means, that this rollercoaster ride has a departure point of at the very latest - July 18th.  Phew!  Crazy.

And, huh.  Maybe I shouldn't have calculated that all out.  Now that I say that, it seems like a long way off!  Still, at least I can see that there is, indeed, an end-date!  The light at the end of this very long tunnel.  I am greatly looking forward to it!